Whats up =P

Hey... Late i've begin just chilling i'm really tried of this bull .... I go to school and it get so boring and i want to move on . My own world is coming down on me and i'm wondering why ?? I try to care but i'm finding myself caring less. And it doesn't bother me . People are treating me with grudation and latly that doesn't even matter anymore. The only reason that i wanted to graduate was to prove to my dad that i would graduate and that i was something great. And i've realize that me graduating doesn't prove it or anything. It should be something i want to do and now i'm wondering about everything i do .Is it for me or for someone else . I mean last night i when to bible study and i felt left out so i found myself call people i knew . And my friend that was there wanted to do the same thing . So since i have a phone he asked to borrow it . But i told him no because i was talking . He ask to use it and i told him no and he ask to talk to my friend and then he hang up the phone. I tooked back my phone and call her right back . She wasn't bad at me thank god but i was mad at him . So since i was so mad i told her i would call her back i didn't want to let her know i was mad. And so i called another friend a friend he knew also . And i let one of the guys from my bible study to call to her . And my friend ask who was it and i told jessi and he asked to talk to her i told him no and then the guyz throws the phone to him and i'm running around the house trying to get it back. And the my friends has the nerve to get mad at me. Like an idiot i felt bad and i apologize . Yea anyways he piss at me. And i don't know excalt why i feel so bad. But i do and my tecahers aren't helping i mean men i'm trying to care but it's easy to let the world to go to hell then help . So now i'm flight to care and keeping everything together in my life other then school. And i have no clue what am going to do . But i'm running out thing to do . And places to go . And i'm wondering what am i going to do when my world comes crashing down.And next year i don't graduate and i'm suck in san diego with people i kind don't want to be near.Right now i'm pray that my friends isn't pregant . Men i their nothing i can do to help her . I'm helpless and i hate feeling like this. And i don't know excalt how to get it all out with out losing everything... so far i've done a horrible job at it . I've begin facetious in class. And really i feel the total opposite . And begin tanking my test on purpose ... And i'm idiot for doing it but i feel so horrible i don't want everything to go right because i don't feel right. Believe it or not i didn't even need to think about spelling "facetious" Right off the bat i spelled it correct. And that sad because of the spelling test i put N/A . I knew how to spell them i just didn't feel like putting them down on paper. I'm trying to mess up everything and i kind know it but it doesn't bother me. I'm going back into my old self .... Not caring .... I know i'm worring people get now but it's dumb ... Because i will be ok .... And everything will get better it's just my little phase. So i guess this phase will end. I mean at least school isn't that bad i kno what i have to go i just don't feel like doing them ... I think about doing my work . So far i've miss so many school day and i don't care... Which is sad school is no longer my hide out place. I can no longer just work with out think about what going to happen. So anyways life is getting boring and is no longer fun. But i guess we all have come to that point and we leave it and we come back to it .So life goes on... You know allot of people all wisdom the great thing but every it isn't you are searching for something you all ready know you just are hoping that you were wrong but in the end you were right ... And you say it was better for me to know then to never to know at all. But that bull because you were happyer not knowing. But that like thing inside bugges and you start to be sensory and you know and feel everything. And your (dexterous) = skills coming in handy and your nip pick at it and you realize life sucks . That you were happy the way you were and now your life just suck .Because whatever you had isn't what it used to be... So then nothing matter ... Like tanking a test on purpose it mean nothing. Because really a grade doesn't determind who you are annd it should but yet will allow to . We allow other to tell us if were smart or dumb . Grades are nothing .... It just mean some one has the power to mess your life by giving you an F. But really they dont' know who you are . They don't know what you go through they judge you and you have no resoucres and you let them . You let pass judgment on you and you are now a "hard worker ". Because you don't need any education to do it. And the world judges you and you have nothing ... Until you learn what they want. Until you follow the rules of live. It's sad how sad this world is. But it's life and i guess you are drowing or swimming . Yup that about it ...You know what i like the most about this year a poem i had to read. I read it before it was asign. I forget who it was by and i only remember bites of it.. But here it goes
"we wear the mask the grins and lies... thathides are cheeks and shades are eyes... this debt we pay to human guiles...."i think it was Paul Dunbar but i'm not sure. Anyways i agree we all lie. Sadness it something people find weak and nasty ..... Because sadness isn't proudfull or correct because you are suppose to be strong and yet we are so weak. Because we allow people to judge us .... Will bye i wrote 1,00o words or as much as i want to bye