X's of life .....???

Today was a weird day i woke up sad and angry and I know why but really their is nothing I could do about it.And i guess thats life because right now i'm in a place that is striking me mind and men it's driving me crazy. Because i wondering what is right . I'm beginpray for along time and right now i'm thinking i made a worn decidtion and it's hurt bad. Because in the end really i agree to some thing i can't do . i can't be his friend their is no way of me putting all of feeling to the side and pretends their not there. Men today i realize i was trying to hide everything from my friends and it worked for most of them but in the end one of them found out what i was going through. And she talk to me knowing the problem because me and her are really close . And all the lies I've begin tell myself about not going back out with this guy that i've like for two years now. She lay it all out that i can;t be this guy friend because mine feeling will always get in the way. You know what i mean my emotions will stop me from talking to him because i don't want to across a line that we made and decide . And really i'm tried of life because people are telling me what's best for me but in the end . Their hurting me . Like or insisted i'm suppose to be in the 11 i have right now three years of language and i have three years of math. And i have 1 years of world and American history . And i have an 1year in science . And i have so much in art and electives . Men i have so much it's crazy. Now next year i will meet all of the requirements of an graduate and subtlest. Now i'm also taking college class in the summer i'm taking history and science . So i will have more then what i need. But no they want me to be more then ready. I think emotional and spirituality i'm ready. And i'm never going to exceed at anything if i am fearful of me not being ready . Right. So i think i'm ready to step out into the world and yes it's going to be hard of course . I'm dealing with some right now and i'm not even in high. But the thing is if i made it my whole life talking to an adults and one of my best friends is an adult and the crazy part is she say that she learn from me. And i was surprise but she told me that when i need it the most . Because i was going to give up on gruadating but she incourage me to keep going because it was right of me . I'm ready to step out . And it doesn't matter about me age. And i was to stress that it's not that i'm rushing to be done with school. But i don't have much time on this world and i am taking my time but i know this is what i'm suppose to do. Because god wouldn't have put this on my heart or my mentor that this is what i'm suppose to do . And i know what school i want to go to already. I've checked out so many . And i know what i want to be . And i want to say your not sending an child into the world because guess what i'm already am. And i have god there to help me. And I know what the world can do to world can do to people i've seen it. And a reminder your not sending a foolish child into the world because i know what i'm going to do and i know where i'm going to live and i know where i'm going to school and i know what grants and programs i can apply to . So i'm going to be ok. Bye -DEANNA