this is the last time

This is the last time i go back and this time i'm serious i don't care what people say. I'm not in love with him and i wish i never was but it's over. I've decide to spend me time and energy on my walks with god and school. I'm not going to think about him. I don't care i'm tried of him telling me the same thing. I'm making this final we are friends are nothing more. Because i tried of trying og making things right. So i'm moving on . So with everything else since i have nothing holding me back with school i'm going to notice on it a little more now. Guys and friends are not going to be the thing that stop me. In the summer i going to take college class and i going to past . And also i'm going to meet the requirements of graudating and i'm going to graudate and i'm going to do it with style because that the person i am. So even those i'm going to have to give up thing i'm going to want but in the end i'm going to have so much more then what that would ever me. A relationship is something thats not for me i mean it's so resticting i find it annyoing and i hope tha i never get married. Because i find it something that we human can't truly love anything or anybody . Some might say that i have a cold heart and it's probadly true but i guess i would either had a cold heart then a broken one. The only one i love is GOD and thats it and no body else i mean romanticly . Love romanticly sucks. And it's not worth it. Right love is something that suppose to be beautiful and we humans mess it up. We make it so sinful . As you can see i said"we" mean all of us even me. I though i was in love and wow it was crazy because i was so sad it's isn't worth it. Forget what i said before it's not worth it . So why do we try and try to fall in love i have no clue .I try and try to keep being in love with GOD because his the only one that truly loves me. Love is something that even the goverment agree with which is crazy. I'm wondering so make up with valentine's day . I really don't like ever since i was little i mean i used to think it was ok but now it something that haunts me . O the world telling me i need a date this day and i need someone to buy me something but really i don't want to date anyone and i just want to be alone . And not care . A couple of day i will a mit i was happy because i might
have dated this guy that i really care for. But i found that the his scraed of what people will think because we all tried had dated . But i don't care will i did but a firend make me realize that if i didn't give us a second chance that i would alwasy whats if. Will you know what i try now it'sn him because i was going to said yes but thats gone. Now we are just friends and that it. I'm gone and i hope that i can move on . But not to another guy but in life and quit stumbling over the same block. So i wonder whats going to happen now . I hope nothing that has to do with dating anyone because really even those i telling you all i hate love really i don't it just i'm mad because this guy hurt me again. And i'm tried of getting hurt . And love isn't one of my strong things. I wonder what going to happen we he check his e-mail . I bet he won't e-mail me back he would be like what. Their's no way i'm dating this girl again. He told me once the i'm emo . Mean i have allot of emotional battles . Heheehe anyway i don't care.Anyway i hope GOD will bless my life with things that are better for me . I mean i don't want to be mean. But me and that guy should only be friends. I hope he thinks the same because i don't know what i would said if he ask me out again. Because for the past couple weeks his begin e-mailing me about giving us a second chance . So what am i going to do if he does e-mail me back. Will today i saw him and we didn't talk but we couldn't really because their were people. I mean really talk without people easy-droping.Will today we went to chruch and men i hope that the promise i made to god holds because right now i'm sliping . Because men whatever. I don't care . I really hope that it sticks because right now i get blame for everything. Love sucks and i don't know what to do . Because right now i really don't care for it . And that scaered me because i don't want to get married i want to be married to my work. And GOD. Of coruse because GOD is everything to me. I just hope that my walk keep strong and lord i hope you can help me right now. With what i need to do.Because i really need your help. Will i'm going to go because i have to . Even those i don't want to do . Bye-Deanna